Hair Woes

Hair has been a huge battle for us lately. Well as huge a battle as anything ever is with Ally. Frankly I think we're so spoiled with how easy going Ally is that what would be a non-issue for other families is an issue for us.

A few months ago Ally decided she wanted to grow her hair longer. Her 2 best friends have school have really long hair, this fall I let my hair grown long again. And I think she wanted to be more like "everyone else". We cautiously agreed. It is her hair and her head. But we had one big caveat - long hair means you have to wear it back. Pulled back in ponytails, barrettes, braids, something.

For a while she would put a bow in for school and then take it out when she got there and put it in her backpack - she did this daily for a while. When I asked why she told me she was afraid it would fall out.

I've shown a few posts of the cute braids we worked on in January.

The kicker was gymnastics - its policy to have long hair pulled back out of your face.

One week I put Ally's hair - the front / top section in a pony tail. She freaked. On the way to the gym she would not stop talking about how nervous she was, how she just did not like looking different, that she was afraid it would hurt when she did her tricks etc. We talked about it and how long hair meant pulled back. We got there and there were tears - lots of tears. I finally asked her coach if she had to have it pulled back. Her coach said Ally's hair was not that long and that if Ally did not really want it back it was OK as long as it did not bother her. So we took out the pony tail.

Then I took a video at gymnastics of her doing their floor routine. After every trick she pushes it out of her face!

At our last Guatemala Girls group the other moms gave Becky and I a tutorial on french braiding so we could french braid Ally's hair.
The next week Becky worked hard on braids:


Mama in deep concentration while Ally watched TV before gymnastics.

But it was a repeat of anxiety in the car. We offered bribes for her to keep them in:

A new toy at Target

A trip to get ice cream

Another treat of her choosing

But she was "too nervous" and "worried" about it.

We explained that she could take them out, but if she did then she was getting her hair cut short again.

Becky went in with her and reported that there were tears again and so she helped Ally take out the braids and come her hair back to normal.

This was Saturday.

On Monday I made a hair appointment with our stylist Feri and brought Ally in after school on Tuesday and here she is:

New (old) back to short haircut!

Ally and I talked about it on Monday and again on Tuesday before the hair cut.
I was pretty stunned at the level of anxiety she had for looking different (hair pulled back) - such a high level - that she chose the consequence (short hair) without any complaint at all.
I suspect she really does enjoy having short hair and so that is part of it - the desire for long hair just wasn't as strong as the desire to look like "herself".
And to be honest - this is Ally - she typically takes the consequences well - she may not always like the choices and will sometimes say "I don't like those choices" but she does comply with making one and almost always adheres to the program.